PASSING THOUGHTS
Watching a pack of hunters mow down deer with shotguns isn’t incredibly entertaining. Substitute the deer with bears that fight back and you might have something worth watching.
This movie kinda turned me off to the human race. We’re pathetic. In a universe full of fearsome and intelligent creatures, we are but fluffy kittens with itty bitty claws capable of doing little more than grasping primitive fire sticks with our over-lauded opposable thumbs. We’ve got love and compassion, but we also bleed like it’s our job and we have the propensity to walk blindly into situations that we should run away from.
Ten minutes into the movie I decided that every human on the screen was simply a sack of flesh waiting to be violently impregnated by the horrific aliens with spectacular teeth. Setting aside the folks who got shot or nuked, I was only four survivors off. People who were set up to deserve a gruesome death got it. People set up as flaky, stoned, or annoying got a gruesome death as well. And guess what? Pregnant mothers and a plethora of swell people also got a gruesome death.
Apparently aliens and Predators are advanced enough to know about equal-opportunity.
Even though I sat down to watch this movie with pretty low expectations, I was looking forward to it. I was anticipating a straight-forward action flick with plenty of suspenseful moments, tense battles, and all out carnage. While the straight-forward carnage certainly showed up, what little essence there’s supposed to be in these sci-fi shoot-outs just wasn’t there.
I think what made “Predator” and “Aliens” work originally was the fact that they revolved around resourceful humans out of their element who waged war on superior creatures. It was the classic David and Goliath set-up where humans took casualties but ultimately prevailed against overwhelming odds. Many an extra and supporting character met their doom in those flicks, but it was generally in a failed attempt to battle the vile creatures.
“AVP2” takes place in a familiar domestic setting: a town filled with melodramatic bullies, provocative and fickle wenches, down-and-out convicts, estranged military moms, and of course the woefully inadequate law-enforcement personnel. While there are brief moments of bravery and capability, most of the time the human element is a screaming, running disaster that is just begging to be eliminated. Even if the story was able to generate enough sympathy towards the humans for an audience to care about their fate, the pacing didn’t allow time for suspense. The events topple over each other without a pause, thankfully limiting the dialogue but taking away from any kind of emotional investment. Despite this hectic rampaging of scenes, it still takes almost forty minutes for the Predator to bag his first alien.
Of course this movie isn’t supposed to be about humans, right? It’s supposed to be about the aliens against the Predator. Well that’d work out just fine if the Predator was more than a techno-geek that’s superior to humans only in that it can take more of a beating. Yes, it screams less and sounds cooler when it does, but it spends most of its time proving to be a poor shot and a sore loser. While it certainly does get a few good shots in, it’s not really much of a protagonist. There should have been more than one.
For its shortcomings, the film isn’t without comedy. Fifty minutes and a bazillion dead bodies into the movie, one of the leads comes out with a remarkable and insightful understatement: “People are dying”. Later, the same character is holed up in a sporting goods store with a handful of rag-tag survivors while the aliens wipe out a military strike force outside. The estranged military mom stumbles into the store with her daughter, and with a straight face the guy says, “Come on in—you should be safe here.” Still funnier, this same Einstein has everyone put on bulletproof vests. Most of the aliens up to that point had resorted to stabbing heads, grabbing faces and mutilating bodies, but I guess it wouldn’t be beyond reason to assume that they’d resort to the use of firearms if they got desperate.
BASICS
Your Cup O’ Tea:
If you’re a gung-ho “Alien” or “Predator” fan that just wants to see you sci-fi villains get more screen time, or if you’re into graphic and rampant violence. There’s not much story or fighting, it’s mostly just the slaughtering of humans with a few alien casualties. If blood and guts are your thing, this is perfect for you.
Steer Clear:
If you want suspense, definitive action, and a true sense of struggle. Also avoid this if you are disturbed by what might be considered more sensitive violence. Children and pregnant mothers are impregnated and give birth onscreen.
Nothing New Under the Sun:
Obviously the character behavior is similar to “Alien” and “Predator”, it has the teenager slasher feel of “Scream” and “The Faculty”, and overall feel of a high budget B-movie.
Buy or Rent:
RENT. Once is more than enough. There’s not much to draw you back. Unless you’re a collector of the franchise, there wont’ be a reason to add this to your library. You’ll most likely want to revisit the original films instead of watch this one again.
FEATURES
-Scene Selection
-Language Selection
-Commentary with Directors Colin and Greg Strause and Producer John Davis
Woulda Been Nice: To see the aliens make it to the abysmal world of the Predators for a showdown.
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